First dates… they can be extremely nerve wracking. After all, you have to make small talk to make any kind of conversation. Saying hello is just not enough to make a great first impression. What can you do? Well, similar to the 6 Habits of Remarkably Likeable People, there are several things you can do to make it past “Hello” and “How are you”.
1 – Be Self-Confident
Parents generally teach their children to be confident and stand tall, and when it comes to making conversation with someone you want to date, this is extremely important to remember. You need to show some nonverbal self-confidence – shake hands using a firm grip, stand tall, etc. Don’t go overboard with this self-confidence, as you’ll come across as being conceited.For example, Stacy and Malcolm have met each other in the store. Malcolm strikes up a conversation with Stacy about the things around them. He’s showing Stacy how comfortable and confident he is to strike up a conversation with her. Of course, he doesn’t go overboard with this self-confidence. He smiles and is relaxed while he talks to her.
If you want to come across as confident, be sure you step up, relax, smile and act honored to get to know them.
2 – How To Touch Someone
Nonsexual touch can be extremely influential. Touch does a number of things:
- Impact behavior
- Breaks barriers / distance
- It’s inviting / friendly
- It can make the other person feel more attractive
Don’t go overboard with the touching while on your date. Rather, touch them lightly on the shoulder or upper arm, and just once or twice only. Touch has the ability to crumble natural barriers and reduce the perceived distance between you and your date.
While Stacy and Malcolm talk, Stacy touches him lightly on the arm. The touch is soft and Malcolm does not mind at all. In fact, he sees her touch as being friendly and showing him interest.
3 – How To Learn About Your Date
Have you ever been on a date with a guy or girl and thought the conversation between the two of you was great? After the date ended, and you started thinking back about the conversation and date, did you suddenly realize that you learned next to nothing about them?
These kinds of folks are known as Social Jiu-Jitsu artists, which mean they are great at getting you to talk solely about you, all without you knowing it’s going on.
When you’re on a first date, be sure you learn about the person you are with. Ask them different but relatively important questions – be open-minded about their answers and be really interested in what they are telling you. When you ask the right questions, you are showing your date both respect and interest. And, really… showing them that you are interested in them!
For example, Malcolm and Stacy decide to get together for a date. Malcolm talks about the different things he’s into and Stacy listens with interest. However, after the date, Malcolm realizes that he found out next to nothing about Stacy. He’s worried that he came across as conceited, talking mainly about himself.
4 – Don’t Try To Be Better Than Your Date
Everybody has something they are good at, and if your date is better than you at something, let them be better at it than you. You don’t want them thinking you are competitive at everything; so, lose at something they are good at. Let them know your failings; it’s okay to be a little vulnerable. After all, your date wants see the real person you are.
Both Malcolm and Stacy decide to go bowling. Stacy can practically bowl a perfect game; Malcolm… not so much. Malcolm lets her know that he’s not as good as her but will do his best. Stacy is impressed with Malcolm’s self-confidence that he can admit to being not so good at something. With expectations understood, they play a low key game of bowling and Stacy is able to show off her talents. Her positive glow is reflected in Malcolm who allowed her to feel good about herself.
5 – How To End The Date
When it comes to ending a first date, you want to make a lasting impression on the guy or gal, especially if the date went well for you. How do you do this without taking it into a territory of being uncomfortable? Be sure you smile and let them know that you had a good time. If you feel uncomfortable with a kiss on the lips, consider kissing them lightly on the cheek or give them a hug. Or if you are not sure how they feel, never try to insist on a kiss on the lips. You always want them to feel comfortable with you. Sometimes, it’s the simplest gestures that make a real impression on someone.
Malcolm and Stacy’s date is coming to an end. Malcolm would like to kiss Stacy but thinks he’ll come on too strong doing that. He’s worried that she’ll take it the wrong way. He decides to smile and give her a peck on the cheek and hug her. Stacy smiles at him after he pulls away and tells Malcolm she had a great time. They promise to get together again soon.
Yes, it can be difficult to go out with someone for the first time. However, it doesn’t have to be nerve-wracking or hard. With the above first date tips, you can be sure that your first date can be a positively memorable one.
by Susan
Guest blogger for HowAboutADate.com