Show Cupid How it’s Done: The Mastery of Love and Archery

Ladies, waiting around and/or having a negative mindset will most likely not attract Mr. Right but rather Mr. Whatever. Instead, picking up a more positive attitude, adjusting expectations and detecting destructive patterns regarding your partner choice might just do the trick.

Start thinking positively and open your mind 

If you haven’t found the perfect partner yet it doesn’t always mean that you’re stuck in cupid’s blind spot. Maybe - to quote a famous poet – there are two souls dwelling in your breast: although you would really love to be in a relationship you fear closeness and commitment since you’re afraid of getting hurt (again). Thus, your subconscious will lead you to pick the wrong guy over kind hearted Prince Charming who is right for you and right in front of you. And when you do that over and over again the sum of your bad experiences will leave you with an even more negative mindset and more insecurities when it comes to falling in love. To blame men as a unitary group or a third party (cupid, fate, God(s), your zodiac sign…) is much easier than taking the time to assess your own morale on the dating field. Forget your chemistry classes where they taught you that a negative charged particle (you) ultimately attracts a positive charged one (Mr. Right). In life and love, a positive attitude will eventually attract positive people, good people. Also, don’t get caught up in an overly detailed description of your dreamboat concerning his looks and status: height, eye and hair color or his profession, etc. they don’t really matter if he shares your passion for horror movies and holds your hand during the scary (and non-scary) scenes. Many singles tend to exclude potential partners if they don’t match the exact vision they have created in their head, nipping unexpected love in the bud.

Look out for similarities 

 

"Two birds of a feather flock together“ or  “opposites attract”  - which one is true? Most of the times, both apply at the same time. People tend to feel drawn to people that are different from them. Subconsciously, they’re looking for someone who completes their personality - that is, somebody who features qualities that they might lack or that they admire. If you are a lively and adventurous woman, you might need a calm guy who is less likely to take risks and brings you back to earth. Sometimes, however, differences can also cause conflicts. If basic attitudes, life styles and life goals diverge greatly, the relationship may have little chance of survival. Someone who leads a life style that is very foreign and new to you might appear more exciting than the guy across the hall who uses the same eco-friendly laundry detergent and watches the same TV channels to fall asleep at night. As much as you’re attracted to your opposite, partners who share a lot of similarities and equal beliefs will lead a happier and healthier relationship in the long run. Little differences that don’t disrupt the overall harmony can be inspiring and refreshing but be sure that your decisions are driven by the same core values and that you agree on the direction you’re headed into. 

Create opportunities and become more active

 

Let’s be honest, waiting around and expecting him to knock on your door one day only happens in movies. You have to leave your house/work in order to meet him. Even if you are a notorious homebody, you should pick up as many (fun) activities as possible. Nonetheless, the chances that you meet Mr. Right in a yoga course or knitting club are rather low. Thus, choose activities that you love and that are most likely to attract all kinds of genders. Maybe a wine tasting event, a sailing course or joining a hiking group would be a good idea. Start going to networking events and join workshops that deal with topics that interest or move you. You could also take your four-legged friend to a dog park (borrow one if you have to) and socialize with other dog enthusiasts. People usually start bonding over a common passion or hobby which usually serves as a great conversation starter. Even if you just extend your circle of acquaintances – most couples  meet through mutual friends. At the end of the day you’ll enjoy what you do and attract the right kind of people…and maybe even fall in love. 

 

So Ladies, shake off your insecurities, grab your love arrows and aim for Mr. “not so different but can make me smile” and go do lots of fun social things.   when you’re doing what you love, that’s when your personality really shines… that’s when love fines you. That’s the Mastery of Love.

Entering a Conversation with Others

As fun as it can be to go out by yourself in San Francisco, not many people venture off on their own.  Sometimes you find yourself stuck in a situation where you want to talk to someone you find attractive or interesting but they’re in a group or with a friend.  One of the toughest situations is starting a conversation with someone who’s brought a friend because it’s intimidating and sometimes the person puts off a less social vibe.  The first and most important thing to establish is if the person is looking to talk to someone or if they’re just out to have a good time and catch up with their friend.

I’m going to review some scenarios that show how you can start a conversation and analyze what the person’s motives are.  There are a few steps and observations that I’m going to go over that can make all the difference!

Deciding if they’re there to meet someone can depend on where you are.  The circumstances change depending on the venue and environment.  Your approach will be different for people that are at a loud venue or club opposed to being at a quiet lounge or even a coffee shop.  The approach will also vary depending on if you’re male or female.  Females typically don’t have to do much more than a few basic flirting techniques to get a guy to start a conversation.

Check out our article on Flirting Tips and Advice.

Men on the other hand have a little more work to do.  They need to be able to figure out if the women are there for “girls night” or if they want some company.  The biggest tell is the eyes.  If a women is looking around or not fully involved in the conversation with their friend it typically means they’re open to meet someone new.  If you can make eye contact once or even twice with that person, you’ve already kicked off the introductions.

When approaching a group or friends it’s important to not disrespect anyone. Avoid interrupting conversation or trying to sit down immediately.  It’s good to start with a hello and introduction.  If you're creative you can throw in a line about something relevant.  But don't try to hard to be funny and definitely don't say anything that someone could find offensive.  It’s almost impossible to remember everyone’s name but make sure you focus on remembering the person of interest’s name! 

If the conversation dies out or you begin to feel a little uncomfortable you can politely excuse yourself with a "well it was nice meeting you, I'm going to go [do something]."  If the conversation kicks off and you've been accepted into the group it's important to give everyone an appropriate amount of attention (let them all talk and listen to them) but give the person your interested in the most attention and even possibly try to make some more eye contact.  When you're talking to the whole group try to keep topics open and unpersonal.  If things are moving well and you're sitting/standing next to the person of interest and you've made some eye contact when talking, you can begin a smaller and more personal conversation with that person and eventually break away from the group for another round of drinks. 

If there is only one other friend then you need to be very respectful and polite to them. They're typically the one who will dictate if you stay and chat or not!  In this scenario you probably won't be able to break away from the friend, but you can entertain them with good conversation and plan another date or exchange contact information after the end of the night.

I hope this information helps!  The last thing to remember is confidence,  you have to be confident but appropriate to get accepted to the group and it's always good to try and make people laugh.

Keep an eye out for upcoming workshops for flirting and moving a conversation along on our Meetup page!

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

What's Your "Type"?

This is a question that has baffled friends for years.  Everyone has their own type, obsessions, and fantasies.  Trying to figure out your friend’s type can be a big deal.  While I may like certain attributes about women, my friends might like a totally different type.  It's not only important to find out what your friends like, but it would benefit you to figure out what exactly you're attracted to as well!  You may not always agree on who is attractive or not; respect that everyone has different preferences and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.   People tend to look at several different things when they’re attracted to someone; check out these attributes.

Legs – I put legs first because I personally am a hugelegs person.  I melt when I see an athletic woman with tan and toned legs.  Legs are usually a pretty common turn on for guys and most women know it and aren’t afraid to show it!

Eyes – It’s always nice to have good looking eyes, but what’s more important is how you use them.  People with good looking eyes tend to let their eyes do the flirting for them.

Skin – Everyone likes soft skin… Obviously there are lots of different races and lots of different colors of skin but it's important to remember again that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  It’s important to keep your skin healthy and moisturized!

Body – Muscles are a huge turn on for women.  I’d guess that close to 80% of women will be attracted to a guy that’s ripped and fit.  Having a toned body can play a role in first impressions, but don’t go overboard.  There are lots of people that work out so much that it consumes them and their body begins to lose its appeal.  There is an especially fine line for women, it’s important to be toned and fit, but men typically aren’t attracted to women who look more muscular than them.

Curves – I know the first thing you think of is that men would notice this more than women but informal studies show that women look at men’s butts quite often as well!  It’s always nice to have curves and some people are more attracted to curvy women than others.  Whether you have curves or not, confidence will always improve one’s attributes.

Smile – Everyone likes a good smile!  It’s important to show a friendly attitude.  You’ll be much more attractive if you smile and lots of people fall for a friendly face.

Personality – Your personality is the most important attribute you have!  It may not come into play until your looks have someone’s attention but that doesn’t change the fact that people with out-going personalities are much more attractive and likeable than quiet and reserved people. Shy or not, being comfortable with yourself is always attractive.

Style – Your style refers to clothing and overall appearance.  Some people are just attracted to people who know how to dress.  If you see a women with a dazzling dress on or a man in a tux, it’s likely that you’ll be more attracted to them than if they were in street clothes, regardless of their looks. 
You don’t have to spend much to dress well. Guys, here’s a link for you to dress well on a budget: http://www.gq.com/style/wear-it-now/201004/gq-guide-style-secrets-cheap-budgetand ladies, here’s one for you: www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8cIhZRpzY0‎

Everyone has their type and their own “goggles” on that allow for them to see different attributes in people.  This is exactly why some friendships don’t work out and some parents can’t understand what their kids see in their crush.  It’s important to note what types of people your friends are interested in to better understand their motives and to better you chances of helping each other out in a dating environment.

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you