What's Your "Type"?

This is a question that has baffled friends for years.  Everyone has their own type, obsessions, and fantasies.  Trying to figure out your friend’s type can be a big deal.  While I may like certain attributes about women, my friends might like a totally different type.  It's not only important to find out what your friends like, but it would benefit you to figure out what exactly you're attracted to as well!  You may not always agree on who is attractive or not; respect that everyone has different preferences and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.   People tend to look at several different things when they’re attracted to someone; check out these attributes.

Legs – I put legs first because I personally am a hugelegs person.  I melt when I see an athletic woman with tan and toned legs.  Legs are usually a pretty common turn on for guys and most women know it and aren’t afraid to show it!

Eyes – It’s always nice to have good looking eyes, but what’s more important is how you use them.  People with good looking eyes tend to let their eyes do the flirting for them.

Skin – Everyone likes soft skin… Obviously there are lots of different races and lots of different colors of skin but it's important to remember again that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  It’s important to keep your skin healthy and moisturized!

Body – Muscles are a huge turn on for women.  I’d guess that close to 80% of women will be attracted to a guy that’s ripped and fit.  Having a toned body can play a role in first impressions, but don’t go overboard.  There are lots of people that work out so much that it consumes them and their body begins to lose its appeal.  There is an especially fine line for women, it’s important to be toned and fit, but men typically aren’t attracted to women who look more muscular than them.

Curves – I know the first thing you think of is that men would notice this more than women but informal studies show that women look at men’s butts quite often as well!  It’s always nice to have curves and some people are more attracted to curvy women than others.  Whether you have curves or not, confidence will always improve one’s attributes.

Smile – Everyone likes a good smile!  It’s important to show a friendly attitude.  You’ll be much more attractive if you smile and lots of people fall for a friendly face.

Personality – Your personality is the most important attribute you have!  It may not come into play until your looks have someone’s attention but that doesn’t change the fact that people with out-going personalities are much more attractive and likeable than quiet and reserved people. Shy or not, being comfortable with yourself is always attractive.

Style – Your style refers to clothing and overall appearance.  Some people are just attracted to people who know how to dress.  If you see a women with a dazzling dress on or a man in a tux, it’s likely that you’ll be more attracted to them than if they were in street clothes, regardless of their looks. 
You don’t have to spend much to dress well. Guys, here’s a link for you to dress well on a budget: http://www.gq.com/style/wear-it-now/201004/gq-guide-style-secrets-cheap-budgetand ladies, here’s one for you: www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8cIhZRpzY0‎

Everyone has their type and their own “goggles” on that allow for them to see different attributes in people.  This is exactly why some friendships don’t work out and some parents can’t understand what their kids see in their crush.  It’s important to note what types of people your friends are interested in to better understand their motives and to better you chances of helping each other out in a dating environment.

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Breaking out of the Friend Zone

Breaking the Friend Zone 101

We’ve all been there… In that dead zone referred to as the friend zone.  This article will assist those who are stuck as the person who is neither a stranger nor a lover.  Throughout the article I’ll discuss the boundaries of the friend zone and ways to ease out of it.  Please note that unless you have a very open and understanding friendship, some of these methods could cause extreme awkwardness or uncomfortable future encounters.  

“In popular culture, the "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person.[1] Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship.” - Wikipedia

Now that we’ve gotten the introductions out of the way it’s important to recognize if you’re in the friend zone or not.  Here are some funny pictures depicting the infamous friend zone.  If you’re still unsure if you’re in the friend zone, check out this article.

Now, I’ll assume if you’re still reading you’ve come to the cold hard truth that you’re currently in the friend zone with someone you have sexual feelings for.   This is very common with people that are extremely shy or passive when it comes to dating.  This also occurs quite often when one person is much more attractive than the other (take the photo above for example).  I’ve compiled several different ways to try and break out of the friend zone and several tips for avoiding it in the future.

Avoiding the Friend Zone

Avoid getting too close too quickly.  While a good friendship is important in a relationship, don’t be on call at all times to answer relationship problems they may be having.  It’s also crucial to recognize if you have sexual chemistry or not.  If you aren’t exchanging flirty actions throughout the first few encounters, it’s very likely that you’ll end up in the friend zone.  Body language and touch is extremely important in these situations.  It’s crucial that you don’t force anything, but notice that you can give a little back rub from time to time, or put your arm around them.  Try walking closer and encourage lots of touching and playfulness.  See how they react and base your next moves off of it.  It’s  vital that you’re able to notice the signsthat she is putting off.   If she seems interested, don’t hesitate or avoid a one on one encounter, instead, make a move!  Lastly, make her feel special and try to encourage one on one time.  It’s important that you show that you enjoy time alone with her/him and that you are interested in her.

Breaking the Friend Zone

So now you’ve already dug your hole and you want to see if there is any chance of getting out.   There are several options as to getting out of the dreaded friend zone. 

Let their friends know:  If you’re close to their friends you can hint at them that you have a crush on the person.  You can even ask their opinion on the situation, this can be a good opportunity to get some good advice and hint at the same time.

Body Language:  This refers to flirting and entering the other persons ‘space’ from time to time.  This entails being a little more touchy-feely when you’re together and moving closer when you’re sitting or walking around.  It’s important to be able to recognize if you’re making the other person uncomfortable or not, don’t go overboard and create an awkward situation! 

 

One on One & Talking:  It’s good to plan some one on one with the person.  Try and let them know that you really enjoy time alone with them.

Eye Contact:  Eye contact could be one of the most important factors when it comes to flirting, attraction, and authority.  It’s important to maintain eye contact as much as you can without being creepy or just staring them down.  You want to show comfort and passion in the way you look at them.

Talking:  The last thing that can really get you out of the friend zone is the old fashion confession.  This is when you just come out (hopefully in a one on one situation) and tell the person that you have feelings for them.  This is usually very risky and could end with extreme awkwardness.   The best way to go about doing this is subtly mention if the other person can picture the two of you as a couple.  Something along the lines of "hey we get along great, do you see us being a couple?".  Typically this approach will allow for you to throw it out there while remaining friends if the person says no.  Along with talking and aside from confessing your dying love for the person is flirting.  Try to suggest some sexual jokes and begin to mention things that could involve the two of you.  Do this subtly as you don’t want to all of a sudden come out too forward, but this will help you ease into a more flirtatious relationship.

There is another article on WikiHow that does a great job of breaking down how to get out of the friend zone as well.  See the article.

Check out our Facebook and Twitter pages for fun memes and messages about the singles community!

[1]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friend_zone#cite_note-twsFebX19-1

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Enriching the Singles Community

“The term community has two distinct commutative meanings: 1) Community usually refers to a social unit larger than a small village that shares common values.  In a seminal 1986 study, McMillan and Chavis identify four elements of "sense of community": 1) membership, 2) influence, 3) integration and fulfillment of needs, and 4) shared emotional connection.” – Wikipedia.org

You are a part of several communities whether you know it or not.  One of the communities you’re a part of is the singles community.  And trust me, that’s no small community!  As of 2012, there were approximately 54 million single people in the US [1].  In fact, 87% of people think online dating is a good way to find a partner [2].     In the past, society has frowned upon the choice to remain single and singles have always felt pressured to find ‘the one’ and settle down.  Those times are changing!  Our goal at HowAboutADate.com is to empower singles and enrich the singles community by providing opportunities for singles to gather, date, and befriend each other.

More people are finding ways to stay happy while single and that lifestyle is beginning to be accepted by society.  Being single isn’t a negative thing, it just means you're not going to settle, and/or be stuck with "Mr/Ms Wrong".  The online dating community has experienced enormous growth over the past few years because of the ease and availability provided by dating websites.  These websites have helped improve and enrich the singles community, allowing for singles to connect with each other on a variety of different levels.

I encourage you to get involved in the singles community.  Go participate in some singles events, meet some new friends, and maybe even flirt a little.  Ignore the pressures from society that you need to commit to a relationship just for a ‘status’.  Learn how to be happy single and start enjoying life today. 

Over the past few months we've provided an array of material that helps empower singles to stand out and be noticed.  Now get out there and take action!  

Be sure to check our Sarah’s blog post about the SF singles community as well!

[1] & [2]: General Online Dating Stats

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Communication Advice for Texting & Talking

Every time I find myself out and about, I see about 90% of people on their cell phones. 

Friend me, follow me, invite me, connect with me, email me, text me, Google me. 

How about let's talk? Communication and how people perceive communication is changing rapidly and seems to be evolving to text only. How do we navigate in a world so unknown, so ambiguous and seemingly not so personal? Our reliance on text only conversations seems to make actual conversation with real people feel like a challenge. Much of our communication is happening asynchronously and mainly online, and can lead to a degradation in ones' ability to hold a real, meaningful conversation on a whim, which means that YOU NEED TO GET OUT MORE OFTEN.

Here are some tips for communicating in any medium whether its virtual or face-to-face.

1) Be a human, not just a cardboard cutout. Networking is more than being present, be active! Show your human spirit. 

2) Begin with the "give" and not the "get." Focus on what you can do for the person rather than what you can get from them. 

3) Ask questions. Getting to know what's important to someone enables you to help them. It's also great to show interest in what the other person is saying because it gets them to open up and show their true colors.

4) Steer the conversation, but don't force anything. If someone keeps changing the subject on you, there is a reason behind it. Be respectful and follow their lead.

5) Be authentic. Pretty straightforward, don't try to be something you're not. You shine when you are your true self.

6) Take the online, offline. The best relationships are not just sustained through one dimension. Learn to have a duality in ways to communicate and don't hesitate  to turn an email into a phone call, a comment into coffee, a LinkedIn invite into lunch. 

7) Balance out the conversation, make sure there is a flow going where both of you are listening as well as talking. This happens to me a lot, where I am being polite and asking questions and I take the time to listen to a person but they never ask questions back. It's a HUGE turnoff when someone starts to spew out themselves like they're a walking CV or resume. If you care about the other person, show it. If you don't, at least pretend. Being polite is incredibly important. 

Hopefully these tips help you! Just remember to always be considerate of other peoples feelings.

Sarah Alikhan

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Flirting Tips & Advice

Last week HowAboutADate.com co-hosted a seminar with Maya Diamond on "How to Communicate Effectively".  While the seminar was educational, everyone wanted to learn more about communicating with others in a dating environment.  This led to the idea of doing a workshop and article on flirting!  Everyone can learn something new about flirting and it's one of the most important factors when meeting new people.    This article is designed to help you  'wet your palette' and learn some new flirting tips.  Scholars have discovered in recent studies that men use the flirting to initiate sex while women use flirting to gain attention.

Everyone has their own styles of flirting and some people are really successful while others are not.  One thing I've learned is that if you're an experienced and confident flirt, you can win out over much better looking competition.  I've compiled a brief example of several different styles of flirting.  It's important to find out what works for you and the best way to do this is practice, practice, practice.

Flirting is an art, not a science.  As with any art, the more you practice the better you get.

Eyes:  I've had full on 'conversations' with women before without even saying a word.  You can say a lot with the way you look at someone.  It's important to learn how to flirt with your eyes without being to excessive.  The goal is to 'tease' and not creep out.  I don't ever recommend maintaining eye contact or staring at one person for longer than 3-4 seconds at a time.  Of course during the conversation, eye contract is extremely important, but leading up to that don't stare the person down.  The trick is to show confidence and be a little mysterious without 'undressing' the other person with your eyes.  Once you've mastered flirting with your eyes you'll notice that starting conversations will be much easier.

Body Positioning: It's important to keep an appropriate distance at the start of a conversation.  This distance is always changing depending on the location.  You'll be closer to the person if you're in a loud venue and are having a hard time hearing each other.  As the conversation carries on you'll find that you can move closer and closer to the other person (given you're both comfortable with it).  It's good to face the person you're talking to and keep a relaxed and confident posture.

Confidence: There is a fine line between confident and cocky.  It's crucial that you're able to show off your confidence without falling in love with yourself.  Keep you chin up, stand like you own the place, and smile playfully.  Confidence is all about you, you have to be comfortable, calm, and collective.

Touching: Touching is a very touchy subject.  Touching can help get you to the next stages of flirting but it can also land you in hot water.  You need to know how much touching the other person is ready for.  It's good to be flirtatious without forcing the other person into an uncomfortable situation.  I typically start with brief touches on the arm or hand.  If the conversation is taking off it's usually okay to move for the 'arm around the back'.  I'm also a big high fiver... I have yet to prove that it's a successful technique yet.

Online Flirting / Text Messaging: With the growing popularity and use of social media and mobile devices, flirting has escalated to a new level.  Flirting online is a whole different situation and has allowed for many shy people to express themselves.  Check out our upcoming article to learn more about flirting online.

Conversation:  Conversation is something that can be practiced, but ultimately, if you're not interested in what the other person is saying, the conversation will go poorly.  Remember that everyone wants to talk about themselves, this means that you need to be humble and talk less about yourself and let your date talk more about themselves.  It's good to ask more detailed questions, that shows that you're listening and actually interested in what the other person is talking about. Women want to feel sexy, you need to make them feel desirable and compliment them as much as possible.  Men don't usually need as much flattery but do enjoy having to work a little to get the girl.

Now that you've learned some new things, you're ready to test them out!  Keep your eye out for our upcoming workshop where you'll have the opportunity to test your new skills and practice your moves in real situations.  You're always welcome to come out to our meetup events or sign-up and post a date on HowAboutADate.com if you want to get some more practice in!

Happy Flirting ~

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Pickup Lines to Avoid

Have you ever been sitting at the bar and spot someone attractive a few seats away?  You want to approach the person and come off as cool and confident but can’t decide how to start the conversation.   This article will focus on what pickup lines NOT to use and how you can start a conversation off correctly.  I’ve gone ahead and listed several popular pickup lines that I recommend avoiding at ALL costs.

• Great Legs, What Time Do They Open?
• Hey girl, guess what? It’s your lucky day. Out of all the girls here, I picked you to talk to.
•  Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world.
• Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
•  Are you free tonight? or is it going cost me.
• Can I have directions? "To where?" To your heart.
•  I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

If you’re someone with some sense of humor (and you can tell that the other person has a good sense of humor) then these pickups lines may work as an ice breaker.  These will only work if used in a funny/fun type of way and there is still a large chance that you will be turned down.

• Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?
•  Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
• Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get.
• I don't know if you know this, but you look a lot like my next girlfriend
• Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
• You must be a heck of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room.
•  I'm sorry, were you talking to me? "No." Well then, please start.
•  Is there a rainbow? Cause you're the treasure I've been searching for.

Of course the BESTway to meet new people is the old fashioned way.  Start with “hi” and introduce yourself.  Kick off the conversation with simple and non-personal questions until you’re both comfortable with talking to each other.  It’s always a bonus if you can learn something about the person from overhearing a previous conversation (without being creepy!).  If I heard someone mention that they hate their job to the bar tender I’d see that as a perfect opportunity to introduce myself and let them know that I overheard them and am curious as to why they hate their job and what they might want to do instead.  This shows that I’m interested and it breaks the ice.  I don’t recommend trying to give advice at this point, your job is to listen and support the person venting.  This also helps build a ‘connection’ between the two of you as you share personal experiences.

I recommend looking back at Just the Tips of the Iceberg and reading about being confident and professional.

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Finding the Right 'Hangout'

Where you ‘hangout’ can say a lot about who you are.  This isn't always the case but it is likely that you will see a ‘specific’ crowd depending on which restaurant or bar you choose to visit.  This week’s article is going to focus on how you can find new ‘hang outs’ and meet any type of person you want!

It’s important to find a location that reflects how you want to be seen.  If you are a business professional and are looking to network or meet other professionals you should stick to more ‘elegant’ restaurants and bars located near business areas.  It’s also important to pick your visiting times wisely.  Going out at 10pm will attract a different crowd than going out at 5pm.  The most important thing is to find a place that you feel comfortable in.  Is the staff nice, is the ambiance relaxing, are the people there the type of crowd you want to associate yourself with?

There are tons of websites out there that help you find locations and recommendations.  I've listed a few useful sites below that can help you find a fun atmosphere.

SOSH

Sosh is a really cool and simple site that shows tons of fun activities and includes reviews and details on all different types of restaurants.

YELP

Yelp is the most popular site for customer reviews.  You’re able to see pictures and reviews regarding specific locations.

Party Earth

Looking for something with a little more tempo?  Party Earth is a very informative site with tons of details about upcoming events and restaurant specials.

Now you have the tools to find fun places and events.  You can either check out some of these locations on your own or you can join HowAboutADate.com and meet others that are interested in similar locations and activities(having company sounds much more fun!).

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Quiz Time!

Pop Quiz

Dating ischallenging.  It’s never easy to figure out what type of ‘dater’ you are, if you’re good at flirting, or if you’re even searching for the right person.  We’ve provided lots of useful blog articles on how to improve your dating abilities and experience.  Now it’s time to take some quizzes!

Here are some quizzes for males and females that will help you understand yourself a little better.   

What Type of Person Do You Attract?

This is a simple quick quiz that breaks down what type of person you attract the most!

http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_type_of_person_do_you_attract

What Kind of Lover Are You?

Another quick quiz that breaks down what type of lover you are.

http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_kind_of_lover_are_you_3

Rate Your Dating Skills

Fun simple ‘scantron’ style quiz that scores you.

http://www.surrenderedsingle.com/quiz.html

Females Only:

Do You Know How to Attract a Guy?

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/quizzes-games/online-quiz/cosmo-quiz-how-to-attract-guys

Are You a Great Date?

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/quizzes-games/online-quiz/cosmo_quiz_are_you_a_great_date

It never hurts to learn as much as you can about the opposite sex.  I’ve personally poked around on www.cosmopolitan.com just to see what the women are reading and what is trending (and I usually learn a lot!).   These quizzes should help you better grasp your skills or personality and allow for you to focus on your strengths!

We have lots of events in April that are displayed on our ‘How AboutA Date?’ Meetup.  These events, along with dates on HowAboutADate.com, are awesome ways to get out there and test what works and what doesn't.  You also get to meet awesome people in the process!!

I’ll see you at our next event,

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Importance of Communication

Communication isn't always as simple as a conversation.  There are tons of different types of nonverbal communication which consist of your attire, body language, word selection, and more.  Throughout my time in San Francisco and other cities I've learned that lots of people communicate in different ways.  Some people are more verbal, some more visual, and some just think everyone is telepathic.  Regardless, it’s important to be able to define what type of communication you use and what type the person across from you uses. 

If you want to start and maintain a positive conversation with someone, it’s vital that you show positive body language and begin the conversation in an appropriate manner.  Most people lose track of the conversation and begin to talk heavily about themselves.  The most important thing to do is to find common ground, something that connects you to this other person and use that as an anchor.  Being able to relate to someone, especially if the topic is unique, can be the biggest motivator in a conversation. 

You have to listen!  People tend to ask questions that they want to be asked.  When someone asks if you have any siblings, it’s a good bet that they want you to ask the same question and they probably have a unique situation to tell you about or a good story.  If someone mentions that they love their career, it’s probably a good idea to ask more about their career and why they are passionate about it.  They will enjoy explaining it to you and they will be excited to know that you’re interested. 

Online conversation can be essential to actually meeting up.  It’s important to get back to people in a timely manner and with an appropriate response.  Try to avoid being extremely vague, but don’t get too personal.  It’s good to get to know each other a little more before diving into an awkward situation.  Try to avoid pressuring the person into anything and don't make them feel obligated to meet up, make them want to meet up!

Communication can make or break a friendship or relationship.  Life will be very difficult and frustrating if you can’t communicate correctly.  On top of communication is timing.  It’s important to know what to say when and where.  The old cliché is talking about your ex on your first outing with a new date.  That’s always a sure way to ruin your chances of a second date, of course sometimes it isn't accidental.

I hope this information is beneficial for you and I hope that you now understand the importance of knowing how to communicate properly.

I'm looking forward to seeing you communicate on HowAboutADate.com and would love to see you in action at one of our meetups!

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you