Date Conversation Topics and Tips

Dating can be nerve racking, which is why we at HowAboutADate.com believe in activity based dating to avoid the pressures and awkwardness of traditional dating.  Although you may be doing an activity that you’re both passionate about, there still need to be conversation.  Some conversation may come naturally and flow while other times may have some “awkward” moments.  I’ve provided several topics and tips below to help you spark a good conversation and keep the ball rolling!  It’s important to note though that you should never ask really personal questions or dig around someone’s past relationships on the first or even 2^nd or 3^rd dates.   If someone wants to talk about their past relationships or really personal things they will bring it up themselves.

This article also goes hand in hand with an earlier article I wrote on The Importance of Communication.

Tips:

Keep the conversation moving but don’t pry into anything personal or the past

Don’t vent or get carried away with certain topics

Don’t just wait for your turn to talk, be genuinely interested in the conversation and person

Topics:

Where have you traveled or want to travel?

Do you enjoy your job? What do you do? Would you rather be doing anything else?

Where is your favorite hangout?

What are some of your hobbies or interests?

What type of music do you listen to?

Do you have any siblings? Are you close to your family?

What’s your favorite movie of all time (or one of your favorites) and why?

Do you have a nickname and what’s the story behind it?

These topics are all good for conversation but there are plenty more out there.  It’s good to avoid questions that can have a “yes or no” question as those can easily cool off a conversation.

You can find more tips for communicating and dating in my article Just the Tips of the Iceberg.

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

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Wingmen & Wingwomen

"A wingman (alt. wing-man) is one person who assists another in social interactions by providing psychological support, often linked by a close friendship. The word is mostly used to describe the role one person had in facilitating another's success with women during the course of any public gathering (bars, gyms, streets)." - WikiHow

Assess the situation - It's important to analyze the situation, find out if the girls/guys are with someone or if they're alone.  See if your friend is really going to need help with introductions or if they will be able to handle it on their own.  Different venues and scenarios can lead to different conversations, it's important to recognize what topics and approach will be appropriate.

Introduction or conversation starter - Now that you've analyzed the situation it's time to break the ice.  Starting the conversation off correctly is a big deal; first impressions are very important and you have to remember that it is your friend that you're trying to make look good!  Use good and interesting topics to get the guys/girls talking and try to relate their interests or hobbies back to something similar about your friend.  Try to avoid talking about you and redirect things towards your friend.

Talk your friend up - The situation has been assessed and the conversation has begun.  Now it's time to use good and interesting topics to get the girls/guys more comfortable about talking.  Try to relate their interests or hobbies back to something similar about your friend.  Try to avoid talking about you and redirect things towards your friend.  Try to stagger the conversation a little; don't redirect every little thing they say back to your friend.

Give them some alone time - If they have a friend with them now would be the time to move them and yourself out of the conversation.  Try to be subtle so that the girl/guy that your friend is interested in doesn't feel uncomfortable.  Typically women have a signal of sorts that indicates if they want their friends to stay around or not during these situations.  If you haven't been entertaining the friend throughout the conversation they may stick around and be selfish.  

It's important to not steal the show when leading the conversations but don't turn anyone off either.  You want to seem normal compared to your amazing friend. 

Here is a video that I found that shows some good and bad wingman scenarios. 

Now that you have some knowledge in being a successful wingman or wingwoman it's time to build some experience.  My final advice is to analyze why failed attempts happen.  You will have some awkward moments and some let downs, the trick is being able to figure out what went wrong (and if it even had anything to do with you!) and correcting the problem in the future.

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you

Frienemies Revealed

We all have them.  They’re everywhere and they look just like you and me.  We share our deepest darkest secrets with them, introduce them to our parents, include them in our plans, and even buy them gifts.  I’m referring to Frienemies.  A Frienemyis someone who pretends to be your friend when in reality, they're your enemy.  They’ve successfully worked their way into your inner circle of friends with one goal in mind, to create problems for you.  Frienemies are found more often in female relationships than male relationships, but this doesn’t mean men Frienemiesdon’t exist!  Per my experience, I’ve found that most men Frienemies sprout from rivalries or competitive scenarios.  Women Frienemies tend to be more mischievous, selfish, ruthless, and have less conscious repercussions.  Frienemies can be found in the social world as well as the corporate world and are most often driven by jealousy.

Some Frienemies do us harm without even realizing it.  It could simply be the symptoms of insecurity or jealousy. The first step to solving your Frienemy problems is learning how to spot them.  Here are some simple ways for you to recognize if you have Frienemies!  Frienemies tend to continuously bring you down.  If you’ve accomplished something impressive, they’ll look for negativity.  An example could be if you just aced a final in your first class of the day and instead of congratulating you, they remind you that you have another final that you didn't study for coming up.  These are negative comments that keep you from building confidence and can be hard to spot.  Negativity should always be avoided.  It’s better to think positively and learn to pick out the positives from situations rather than focus on the negatives.

Another noticeable tendency in Frienemies is their availability.  Frienemies tend to always ask for your attention or support when they are in a tough situation but will always be busy or unavailable whenever you need them.  Many people are oblivious to these situations and are constantly being taken advantage of.

Make yourself available to your friends, sometimes this means making sacrifices.  Make sure your friends are willing to make time for you too.  True friends are there for each other when they’re needed.

Some people feel uncomfortable when with specific friends.  If your gut is telling you that there is something shady about your friend, there usually is.  Don’t spend time around people who are a bad influence on you.  Frienemies try to convince you to do something that you don’t feel comfortable doing or may even try to persuade you to do something that results in trouble.  This could include providing poor advice and selfish decisions. 

Everyone has that one Frienemywho continuously puts embarrassing things on Facebook or other social media sites. These people will take pictures of you at an event and purposely look for the most embarrassing picture of you and best picture of them and post it for everyone to see.  This is one of the most obvious ways to spot a Frienemy.  It’s not that tough to figure out which pictures are appropriate and which aren’t.  Furthermore, they’ll bring up past times that were unpleasant for you.  This could involve resurfacing pictures or stories from an old Vegas trip that highlight some regretful decisions.

In conclusion, most Frienemies lack respect for you and tend to have cruel intentions.  It’s important to be able to spot your Frienemies and expose them for what they really are.  If you don’t think you have any Frienemies you better look back at these signs and make sure you aren’t the Frienemy.  The best way to deal with a Frienemy is to confront them.  Most of the time they will deny these signs or they’ll say you’re too sensitive or emotional and try to throw everything back on you.  Keep your intentions pure and remain loyal to your friends.  I hope this article has helped you spot your Frienemiesand prevent future problems!

Arthur G. Bahr

Social Instigator for...

HowAboutADate.com  d  a  t  i  n  g    s  i  m  p  l  i  f  i  e  d

Do what you love... and love will find you